Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
