sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
