: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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