Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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