i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
