I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
