Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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