You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's shark week go big or go home
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
