Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
