Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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