He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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