I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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