just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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