My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The struggles of a small town man whore
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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