The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
