her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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