I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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