Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
