Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
