I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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