DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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