That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize