I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
