bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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