if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
