yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
