We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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