I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
