2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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