i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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