Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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