that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It was confusing and full of hummus
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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