We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
