I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
