mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
