why didn't you poke me back
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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