I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
