the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
