i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
