I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
