Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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