I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
