Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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