Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
