I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
When are your genitals available?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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