i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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