I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
