shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
