Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
