His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
