i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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