Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
