Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
