i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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