I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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