It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize