it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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