ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I need moral support for this bender
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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