Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
