it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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