I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
