i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
