I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
