I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
