I can text with my tongue
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize