Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
