please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
