Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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