and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
