We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
