When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize