Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
