Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
