if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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