i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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